


Jigsaw Puzzle

by perfection_located



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Kara Tries her Best, Moral Dilemmas, There will be Plot, Too Many Metaphors, actually lots of gay shit, after 2.01, but also lots of Thinking, down with the author nd all that, emotional!kara, lots of hugs, meandering character study, mostly non canon compliant, no mon ew, okay yeah LOTS OF GAY SHIT, self dicovery, some gay shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-26 15:29:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10789470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfection_located/pseuds/perfection_located
Summary: Kara isn't sleeping. She's spending more time as Supergirl and punching villains harder. Something is wrong and she's only just realizing it. She's trying to figure out who she is but with a new alien detection device in production, violent anti-alien protests, and a troublesome human with powerful weapons, it's not going to be easy.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> heyO  
> so, i've only watched through Luthors in s2 because mayoboy was too much for me and i have better things to spend my time on *coughonedayatatimecough* but I still like Kara and Alex and Lena and Cat and the rest of the Supersquad so... fic. But anyways i have lots of feeling about Kara and her character development and who she is as a person and anYways i decided to write it down. This is mostly a character study of Kara and Imma throw some supercorp in but??? idk?? my characterization of lena is still under construction so?? let me know if u have headcannons about her i can try and include them?also there might be like, dashes of supercat but im not feeling that particular Dynamic rn so itll probably be like... subtext???
> 
> Anyways i'll update a lot and if anything seems like its refrencing later s2 episodes i probably saw a gifset on tumblr (this also means any refrences could be entirely innacurate and A Mess but moving on)
> 
> oksuperlongnotesover leaveacommentbyE!
> 
> hope u like it and lemme know what u think of my angsty!reporterKara

There isn't a single moment where Kara realizes that something is wrong. It's gradual, like the slow erosion of a stone in a stream. First come the sleepless nights. Sometimes she paints, but mostly she just lays on the roof of her apartments building and stares at the stars. She's not sure what she's looking for, but she doesn't find it. It's not like these nights affect her; she's powered by the sun, she can go entirely without sleep for months before feeling the effects as long as she spends enough time in the sun's yellow light. 

Alex is the one who points out that Kara has been spending more time as Supergirl. She's right, of course, Kara's all but given up on free time. She turns down movie nights in favor of an extra patrol and she can't remember the last time she read a book for anything but work. Kara tells her everything is fine. Alex chooses not to comment on the number of alien intruders Kara brings in unconscious instead of restrained. 

It's a Monday, and Kara is sitting at her desk in the bullpen. She's taken the one Snapper had assigned her, hoping to hide the one Miss Grant gave her for emergencies. Kara has never been much for solitude, anyways, not when she can sit in the middle of all of the noise and movement and remind herself for just a moment that everyone is real and alive and their hearts are beating, faster than Kara's, quick and energetic. 

Snapper has assigned Kara another article on the anti-alien protests in National City and she's staring at a blank document, cursor blinking. The words are there; she's written them a hundred times and she can write them a hundred more. Title. Date. A few contextual facts. Events from the protest. Quotes from protesters. A mild quote from Supergirl. More facts. Closing statement.

But no matter how many times she starts she can't get past the date. She closes her laptop and gathers her things. She doesn't care if it's 3pm. She doesn't care if Snapper is yelling at her from his desk. She needs to be somewhere else right now.

It could be minutes or it could be hours later but Kara finds herself far, far away from National City, at the top of a cold mountain in the middle of the Alps. She's so high that she can feel the sunlight vibrating in her atoms. She's still in slacks and a button up shirt, and she knows if she was human she'd be frozen and suffocating. As it is, the air is just cold enough to nip at her cheeks and the tips of her ears and she relishes in the sting. 

When she blew out her powers for the first time, 16 and angry and tired in the middle of a Kansas cornfield, Clark had told her that she'd be human for a day. She's never said this to him, but she hadn't felt more Kryptonian in years. Kara's powers didn't make her alien, the 13 years of life on another planet did. 

Kara's mind drifts and she picks up on a little girl's voice in India. It's light and airy and the young girl is laughing. Kara basks in the sounds of joy for a moment before letting them slip away with the wind. "What are you even doing here?" she asks herself out loud, talking about the mountain more than the planet. Existential questions will wait. 

Kara sighs, standing, stretching, laughing a little at herself. She knows what's wrong even if she doesn't know why. She can't keep reporting on Supergirl, on aliens, on anti-alien sentiments. No one can keep this many secrets tangled up inside of themselves, not even the girl of steel. 

If the world knew Kara Danvers was an alien, Kara Zor-El could live with reporting on Lena Luthor's latest alien detection device. There would be no lies of omission, no facades of being human. But that would be too close to revealing herself as Supergirl, and that? That would put everyone Kara Danvers had ever crossed paths with in danger. 

And Kara doesn't know what to do so she punches the rock next to her and these mountains are older than she is so they only crack a bit, crumble around her. They do not shift or shake or rumble. They allow themselves to bend just enough to avoid breaking. Kara knows that she, too, must bend. 

She's an alien, a superhero, and a reporter. She is all of these things but these things do not fit together. She is an alien superhero but those who carry signs that say 'Earth is for Humans' cheer when they see Supergirl. Kara knows she is not an 'alien' to them. She looks like them, with blonde hair and blue eyes and no gills. She cannot continue her complicity. 

She is an alien reporter but Snapper doesn't know that and he keeps sending her to the most crowded protests, the most violent riots, where she is Kara Danvers, reporter. Kara Danvers, not really human. Kara Danvers, terrified because if you pretend to be meek long enough it seeps into your bones and starts to take you over. Supergirl knows that she cannot be hurt by angry humans but Kara Danvers, alien, isn't so sure anymore. 

She's a superhero reporter but what happened to journalistic integrity? Should she even be quoting herself? Where is the line that separates the journalist from the girl of steel? At what point do Supergirl's quotes become the opinions Kara Danvers, reporter, cannot write without appearing biased? Without being biased? Kara knows that the line if blurry at the best of times and this isn't the best of times. She doesn't think she can see it anymore. 

Kara Zor-El is an alien, a superhero, a reporter. She's not sure how to fit these all together. With one last sigh and a quick but mournful loop, she shoots back to National City. She knows how to start, but she's not sure she wants to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara begins a conversation with Miss Grant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihihi another update its short im sorry read the end notes for more explanation  
> okayloveyoubye

There's a certain nostalgia that comes with calling Miss Grant. She'd never dared to do so as the media mogul's assistant, not for personal reasons, but hearing Cat's voice brings back a flood of memories that leaves Kara floored for a moment, unable to speak. 

"Kara?" asks the crisp, edgy voice, mild concern obvious only to those few who know Cat Grant well. "I didn't know you had my number. I changed it when I left."

Kara lets out a huff of laughter, the tension in her stomach lessened if not gone. "I have my ways, Miss Grant. I was your assistant for two years after all." 

Miss Grant hums thoughtfully, clearly unsatisfied with the response, but she moves on. "And why are you calling me at five in the morning, Kara?"

Kara glances at her watch and frowns. "But.. you're supposed to be in London... oh, I'm so sorry Miss Grant, did I wake you? I though it would be evening where you were!" Kara blushes red, and even though Cat can't see her, Kara is sure she knows. 

"I flew back to National City a day early to surprise Carter. We'll ignore how you know my schedule and move on to the reason you called. There is a reason, yes? Whatever I tell Lois, I do need my beauty sleep."

Kara shakes her head a bit, to clear it, and leans out over her balcony, basking in the beginnings of the sunrise. "Oh, um, yes, Miss Grant. I have a... favor to ask? At least I think it's a favor? I'm probably going to do something anyways but I thought It would be easier if-"

Cat cuts her off with an exasperated sigh. "Get on with it, Kara, I don't have all day." Neither of them misses the fact that Cat used Kara's real name. 

"Well, the thing is, Miss Grant, you know that... thing you were always hinting about? Before you left? The one you threatened to fire me for?"

Kara hears Cat's breath hitch and almost hangs up, too afraid of rejection, afraid that she's wrong about her mentor, but Cat speaks before she can. "I think it's best if we talk in person, Kara." There's a pause, then Cat backtracks. "Of course, if that makes you uncomfortable, I-"

This time it's Kara's turn to interrupt. She lands next to Cat in her Supergirl suit. The CEO is on the balcony of her penthouse, wrapped in a silk robe, phone to hear ear, and for once in her life, speechless. Kara feels a pang for what could have been, but she pushes it away.

"Miss Grant," says Kara, hanging up her phone.

"I think you'd better call me Cat," says the other woman, doing the same. "You've more than earned it, Kara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is short i know im sorry! but i thought it would be better do do short updates as i write them than hoard it away until i have enough for a full chapter?? do you guys want that or do you prefer, like, longer chapters but with a few days in between? Also lena soon like in the next 2 chapters i want snarky girlfriend time as much as you guys  
> *on tumblr as lacunadaisies*  
> your kudos n comments mean the world and i WILL reply to every single comment i sWEAR *kara's pupper eyes*  
> kayloveyoupleasecommentbye!


	3. A Discussion, Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat and Kara have an actual conversation. They also let go of could-have-beens and late night wonderings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another daiLY update imma try and keep these coming  
> cat and Kara in this one but I already have like half the next chap written and theres a BUNCH of lena so dont worry our angsty child will arrive soon  
> kthanksloveubye

"You want to what?" asks Cat, raising an eyebrow, looking at Kara like she's just said she wanted to jump off a cliff with a block of kryptonite strapped to her chest. 

"I want to stop reporting on aliens. Completely."

"Kara," sighs Cat, speaking slowly, as though explaining something to a small child, "you are an alien."

"Exactly," says Kara, nodding firmly, once. "That's why I have to stop. I can't..." she trails off, looking forlorn. "I can't keep going to protests, Cat. I can't keep quoting myself - Supergirl - on them like I wasn't on the ground in the chaos. I just-" Kara leans against the railing of Cat's balcony, slouched and tired. Her head hurts; it's too full and she's tired and she just needs Cat to understand. "When I'm in the middle of them, it doesn't matter that I'm indestructible. I feel like every other alien out there. They hate me, Cat. They hate who I am."

Cat scoffs, but her expression is soft, thoughtful. "Don't be silly, Kiera, the city loves Supergirl. Even the ones holding signs."

Kara lets out a mirthless laugh. "They love Supergirl, Cat. Not Kara Zor-El, alien. If the world found out Kara Danvers was an alien they would hate her. Hate me. I can't keep pretending that love for Supergirl and Superman extends to any other aliens."

Cat moves to stand next to Kara, leaning against the railing, hand dangling over nothing. She turns her head to clearly see the superhero's face, backlit by an orange sunrise and a waking city. "You're afraid," she says. It isn't a question.

"Terrified."

"So you're just going to run away?"

"Yes. I won't apologize." Kara's hands are on her hips, and she's righteous. She's making the right decision. She has to be. She is, right? Yes. Yes? "I can't report without bias when I'm afraid for my life, Cat. It's not possible. And I," Kara pauses, gathering courage. "I can't protect the city when I'm so horribly aware of the people who hate me. It's selfish, I know, but-"

"You're allowed to have feelings, Kara. The city may see you as nothing more than a symbol, but there's a woman behind that 'S'."

"Then why do I still feel guilty for being angry?" Kara deflates, hands falling to her sides, shoulders slumped.

Cat places a gentle hand on Kara's chin, tilting the superhero's face until their eyes meet. "Because that's who you are, you beautiful, beautiful idiot." Kara opens her mouth to retort but Cat shushes her. "You're right, Kara. You need to draw lines between the different parts of yourself. No one can hold that much all at once. I'm only sorry I didn't think of it before I threw Snapper at you and took off."

Kara reaches up and takes Cat's hand from her face, holding it softly in her own. She considers her mentor, lit by a sun that has now fully risen, golden and bright in the morning. Far away, she hears a door slam and a car honk. 

"Now you're being the idiot," she says, drawing Cat into a gentle embrace. Cat stiffens for a moment - it feels like eternity to Kara - before relaxing, burying her head against Kara's neck. 

"I refuse to be insulted without an explanation," Cat mumbles into Kara's hair. 

"You blame yourself for everything, Cat. And this wasn't your fault. I never told you the truth before you left and it's not your job to live my life for me. I made my own mistakes." 

Cat pulls back from the hug, not far but far enough to look Kara in the eyes, and there are the beginnings of tears in her eyes, barely there but brighter than the stars to Kara, who never wants to see Cat cry. 

"I left you, Kara. I was upset and confused and I just, I left you. I'm so sorry."

Kara shakes her head gently and cups Cat's face with her right hand, using her thumb to brush at her cheek. "I should have trusted you, Cat. And I don't blame you for taking time for yourself. I only wish..."

Cat tilts her head into Kara's hand, smiling sadly. "So do I, darling. But we both know there's someone else now." She glides forward, placing a soft, sweet kiss on Kara's cheek. It speaks of goodbyes and could-have-beens. 

Kara kisses Cat's forehead before stepping back. It tastes of closure. 

"I'll speak to Snapper," says Cat. "Have him shift you to other articles. Technology, infrastructure, conservation efforts. Don't think I didn't pick up on your knack for engineering in the two years we had."

"Always the reporter," says Kara, a smile playing across her features again. 

Cat pats Kara's arm before turning, retreating into her penthouse suite on the edge of town and, more importantly, into herself. Kara can see Cat's walls coming back up, and by the time the media mogul calls back to her, Cat has lost all vulnerability. "Go save the world, Supergirl. The newspapers don't sell themselves."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hoho like 800 words! for a day thats not bad right? idk im a disaster. Once again short-ish chap but i dont like hoarding my content cause then i forget to update for a week or i spend two months rewriting the same scene and its just... so Extra but so Am I 
> 
> anyways i hope u liked it! i always have a soft spot for supercat so this was my way of acknowledging it and moving onto sweet, sweet supercorp while also explaining how Kara is feeling n shit and also Validating her Feelings because she is an anxious bean 
> 
> as always lemme know what you think! do you like the daily updates? should i wait more? what do you think of angsty!Kara? give me ur feedback plz i luv it
> 
> kloveyouplzgivemeakudosbye
> 
> tumblr is lacunadaisies


	4. Interviews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena talk, although formally. Then, well, then something happens. It always does, doesn't it?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy  
> sorry for the break, had some illness in the house.   
> anyways, this works off of the assumption that Kara wrote that Quality article about Lena, but ignores eveything after Luthors, so they aren't like, SuperPals yet
> 
> once again tho i havent watched since january so if i messed up, lemme know
> 
> over 1000 words this time for u kiddos so have a blast!

"Danvers!" 

Kara sets down her pen and turns to face her boss. "What can I do for you?" she asks, eyebrow not quite quirked, smile not quite insincere. She respects Snapper Carr, but she will never like him. 

"The Luthor interview at 9. It's yours now. Make sure to ask about the sudden pullback with their alien detection device." Snapper gives what could almost be an encouraging nod before turning and leaving. "Don't mess this up, Ponytail!"

Kara checks her watch and curses in Kryptonian. It's 8:47. L-Corp is twenty minutes away by subway. "Snapper definitely has it out for me," she mutters, gathering her stuff quickly and taking off for the stairwell. This calls for superspeed. 

Kara gets to L-Corp at 8:54. She spends a few minutes in the alley nearby fixing her hair, clothes, and general nervousness. She's going to interview Lena Luthor. Tech genius and major philanthropist. Kara's crush. Clark's voice brushes at the edges of her thoughts, whispering of last names and family connections, but she forcefully ignores it. She of all people will not be judged by her name. 

At exactly nine o'clock, Kara approaches the receptionist's desk outside of Lena's office. "Jess?" she asks, glancing at the nameplate in front of her.

"That's me," says Jess, a practiced look of mild disinterest on her face. 

"I'm Kara Danvers, from CatCo. I have an interview with Miss Luthor." The last part comes out more of a question than a statement but Kara smiles brightly and steadfastly refuses to babble. She almost tacks on a 'maybe you remember me?' but something tells her that this will be a bad idea.

Kara registers momentary disdain on Jess' face before it goes blank again. "Credentials?" she asks, and Kara fumbles to pull her lanyard from around her neck. Jess glances briefly at the offered ID before handing it back to Kara. She lifts her phone from its cradle. "Miss Luthor, you've got Kara Danvers here for your nine o'clock."

There's a pause, then Jess nods and waves Kara in. 

Kara pulls back her shoulders, adjusts her glasses, and walks in. She is entirely unprepared for the smile she receives from Lena. 

"Miss Danvers," says Lena. "What a pleasure to see you again."

"Please, Miss Luthor," says Kara, fiddling with the edge of her glasses. "I've told you to call me Kara."

"And I've told you to call me Lena," says the other woman, pausing, "Kara. Now, what can I help you with? I'm glad they sent you instead of some angry white boy with a bone to pick."

Kara laughs a little before glancing down at her notepad, where she scribbled a few hasty notes on the flight over. She is entirely too flustered by Lena's warm smile. "Well, um, CatCo wants to do a piece on you. I mean, you know that, that's why I'm interviewing you, and that's why I'm here, to interview you, and it really is about getting to know you and letting the world see the woman behind L-Corp and show them how wonderful... you are..." Kara mumbles the last part, barely audible, feeling awkward and annoyed with herself for losing control of her mouth. 

Lena seems to find this endearing, however, and she smiles even more. "Oh, you want to get to know me? This feels rather like a date, doesn't it?" she teases. "Come and sit down, and ask me all the questions CatCo needs. I'll even answer some off the record, if you like." She winks and grabs Kara's arm, guiding her gently over to the couch. Kara stutters out something like a yes before blushing brightly. 

Before Kara can figure out a way to self combust, Lena takes pity on her and sobers slightly, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from Kara. Her smile loses some of its vibrancy and Kara wishes she knew what was happening inside the CEO's head. Lena seems suddenly... less, like part of her has suddenly hidden itself away from prying eyes. 

"So, what did you want to ask?" says Lena, smiling again. The smile is genuine, but does not quite reach Lena's eyes. 

"Well," begins Kara, glancing at her notepad again, "I was wondering how you balance your personal and business lives? You're a CEO, but how do you find time to be, you know, Lena?"

Lena's smile fades and she sits back. A small sigh escapes her. "To be entirely honest, Kara, I don't have much of a personal life. My father is dead, my brother - well, everyone knows my brother - and my mother is quite busy."

"And what about friends?" Kara asks. 

"There aren't any?" Lena shrugs. "My name tends to drive people away, Kara. I live in the shadow of my family, and it's very hard to ignore." Then Lena brightens slightly. "But that's what I'm trying to do with L-Corp, you see? Bring it out of the shadow of the Luthor family. I am my own woman, and I'm determined to make L-Corp a force for good." Lena seems to fill with passion again, and she sits forward, eyes alive and sparkling. Kara is mesmerized. "L-Corp is at the very edge of scientific advancement We're making strides like no one else can. Who knows what we can do? We've got three separate clinical trials going right now, and we're on the verge of a new clean energy source."

"That's amazing, Lena. You really are guiding L-Corp in a new direction." Kara pauses before speaking again. "Can I ask how you balance your political beliefs with your business interests. After all, L-Corp has stockholders and a board of directors, right? What happens when your beliefs don't line up with what's best for the company."

Lena's face hardens and her eyes become distant. "I have to face that question a lot, but L-Corp's mission is making the world a better place. The best choice for the planet as a whole is the best choice for L-Corp, and I and the Board of Directors all work with that mindset."

Kara nods, but she can see the conflict in Lena's eyes, the anger in her brows, the concern in the downturn of her lips. Kara is not the only one who has been asking this question. Suddenly, she wants to comfort Lena. She settles for resting her hand atop the CEO's for a moment. 

Suddenly, the whole building shakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyHOh  
> sorry if this seems rushed, i smashed it out in half an hour. lemme know what u think, and sorry for the cliffhanger but i gotta get me some Quality Villains into the storyline before we get too far. once again we see Jess the Secretary being protective of her Smol Child Lena. she will be prominent and may or may not end up a superhero lemme know whatcha think  
> kloveyabye

**Author's Note:**

> lemme know what u think of my analysis of kara. do u agree? do u violently disagree? tell me so I can make this better because i love All of the Input
> 
> find me on tumblr as @lacunadaisies  
> k gotta go shave part of my head so i look Edgy(tm) for prom  
> *insert awkward flailing goodbye*


End file.
